This is when my head starts going,
This is when I just can't get it out.
This is when the hits keep coming,
Just when I think I'm onto something...
WHEE Saving Jane lyrics :'D

So how's it going?
I'm like really bored and hugely confused by people. You see, I have a boyfriend... Not in the strictest sense but I do, and this person named Zach is saying that I am his property and that my boyfriend is going to have to pay him to be with me. As if I'm like some hoe or something. Its bull. Then my brother, and many of my friends are saying that I should go out with one of my best guy friends named William. I'm sorry, but that dude is stuck in the friend zone. Not the best place for him to be if he wants to go out with me but he'll live. Then this other guy named Drake is thinking I have liked him before and he is saying the 'I need to gain weight' and I'm just really confused.
I'm also really confused about why everything seems to go away whenever I get attached to something. Like people keep dying and whenever my Dad gets me close to one of his girlfriends he dumps her and gets another one and tries to get me close to her so he can dump her too. Then when I actually get friends like he wants me to where we live he up roots us all to move us with his girlfriend who he doesn't want to be with anyway which means I'm going to get really close to her and my 'sister' then they're going to be go too.
I just don't get life... Its all so complex. I wish there wasn't any changes that I didn't want. I hate how everything changes as soon as I get used to it... I wish it could all be easier. But it can't. I wish people who are gone would come back... But they won't. They can't. And if they can... I hope they come soon.

Words fall out of my mouth
And I can’t seem to chase what I’m saying
Everybody wants your time
I’m just dreaming out loud,
I can’t have you for mine and I know it
I just wanna watch you shine.

Tripping up on my tongue,
It’s all over my face and I’m racing
Gotta get away from you
Burning all the way home,
Try to put it to bed but it chases
Every little thing I do

When the light falls on your face,
Don’t let it change you
When the stars get in your eyes,
Don’t let them blind you.

You’re beautiful
Just the way you are
And I love it all
Every line, and every scar
And I wish that I could make you see
This is where you ought to be,
Come down to me.

Spell it out in a song,
Bet you never catch on to my weakness
I’m singing every word for you.
Here I’m thinking I’m sly
Then you’re catching my eye, and just maybe
You’re thinking what I’m thinking too

When you see it on my face,
Don’t let it shake you
I know better than to try and
Take you with me.


You’re beautiful
Just the way you are
And I love it all
Every line, and every scar
And I wish that I could make you see
This is where you ought to be,
Come down to me

You're beautiful
Just the way you are
And I love it all
Every line, and every scar
And I wish that I could make you see
This is where you ought to be,
Come down to me
-Saving Jane 'Come Down To Me'


Cut my life into pieces,
This is my last resort.
Suffocation,
No breathing,
Don't give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding.

This is my last resort.

Cut my life into pieces.
I've reached my last resort,
Suffocation,
No breathing.
Don't give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding.
Do you even care if I die bleeding?
Would it be wrong?
Would it be right?
If I took my life tonight?
Chances are that I might.
Mutilation out of sight,
And I'm contemplating suicide.

'Cause I'm losing my sight,
Losing my mind,
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine.
Losing my sight,
Losing my mind,
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine.

I never realized I was spread too thin,
Till it was too late,
And I was empty within,
Hungry,
Feeding on chaos,
And living in sin.
Downward spiral, where do I begin?
It all started when I lost my mother,
No love for myself,
And no love for another.
Searching to find a love up on a higher level.
Finding nothing but questions and devils.

'Cause I'm losing my sight,
Losing my mind,
Wish somebody would tell me in fine.
Losing my sight,
Losing my mind,
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine.
Nothing's alright,
Nothing is fine,
I'm running and I'm crying.
I'm crying.
I'm crying.
I'm crying.
I'm crying.

I can't go on living this way.

Cut my life into pieces,
This is my last resort,
Suffocation,
No breathing,
Don't give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding.
Would it be wrong?
Would it be right?
If I took my life tonight,
Chances are that I might.
Mutilation out of sight,
And I'm contemplating suicide.

'Cause I'm losing my sight,
Losing my mind,
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine.
Losing my sight,
Losing my mind,
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine.
Nothing's alright,
Nothing is fine,
I'm running and I'm crying.

I can't go on living this way.

Can't go on.
Living this way.
Nothing's alright.
-Papa Roach 'Last Resort'


All day staring at the ceiling
Making friends with shadows on my wall
All night hearing voices telling me
That I should get some sleep
Because tomorrow might be good for something

Hold on
Feeling like I'm heading for a breakdown
And I don't know why

But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know, right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be...me

I'm talking to myself in public
Dodging glances on the train
And I know, I know they've all been talking 'bout me
I can hear them whisper
And it makes me think there must be something wrong with me
Out of all the hours thinking
Somehow I've lost my mind

But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know, right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be

I've been talking in my sleep
Pretty soon they'll come to get me
Yeah, they're taking me away

I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know, right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be

Yeah, how I used to be
How I used to be
Well, I'm just a little unwell
How I used to be
How I used to be
-Matchbox Twenty 'Unwell'

Those three songs right now explain my life SO well... Anyway I have no clue what this journal really was about... I just kinda made it and yeah. Typed out some random thoughtssssssss c:
People. Are. So. Drama. Prone.
It sucks. Especially me. I hate how much drama I am involved in... I can't wait to see my friend tomorrow, if he comes down. He gets ungrounded tomorrow... FINALLY. Its been about a month.
Anyway my laptop is about to die so I've gotta go.
BYE <3 LOVES YOUUUUU Peace c: